Sometimes I think I just hate people.

All the time I hear people say how they “used to” do fun things in college, in “the good old days” or some shit, and think about it all wistfully, and then move on with their day.

What the fuck is wrong with these people?  You don’t have to act like a different person just because you’re no longer enrolled in a university.  This is some stupid crap that society has told you, and you just go along with it.

I just don’t understand why people immediately try to turn into their parents as soon as they get a job.  What the hell! Why is it so difficult to find people who are as carefree and retarded as I am?

Just drink a cheap beer for once, you snooty bitch.  No, not a “lager” or “pillsner” or whatever girly shit you call it now.  Drink a fucking beer.  How about a Keystone Light.  Delicious.  I can drink 3 of them in the time you drink one of your women’s beers.  You say it “tastes like water”? I say we drink water on a daily basis, and if I can get alcohol in my water, all the better.  Goes down smooth. Says so right on the can, fag.  I just don’t get why people look at me strangely when I turn down a “vermont IPA” for a pabst blue ribbon.  Give me what I know – beer.

What I really think is ridiculous is that the reason people like these beers is not really for the taste, it’s just marketing.  They think they’re cooler when they can find an unheard of local beer because they can sound like people who drink wine when they talk about their beer.  “It’s an edgy lager with a lingering aftertaste” .. fuck you.  Is it a beer? Do I get drunk?  It doesn’t sound like it from that description.. I’ll pass.

After the first few sips, your mouth cant tell the goddamn difference between one beer from another anyway.  Alcohol makes your tongue go numb.  That’s why drunk people slur.  If you want that classy first beer, fine, then switch to something cheaper for the next beer.  You’ll save some money and stop kidding yourself.

The fact that you drink classy beer and I don’t doesn’t make you better than me.  It just makes you the same as everybody else.  You are competing for status in a consumer culture.  Get over yourself and find something you really enjoy, like cat-calling at strippers or flipping off a 10 year old.  Try it, you won’t believe the liberation.  Oh, sorry, that might get in the way of your next 5% raise or eventual promotion to middle manager.  My ‘B’.